Naruto's Choice
by Still Free Me
Summary: Naruto isn't so good with the ladies. In fact he's horrible. After a lecture with his friend and an unexpected conversation with another things go downhill.Is it uphill? After all with all these kids he was bound to find the mother of one. NaruTayuHarem
1. The Everydude

**Yomeir- Er, Naruto's Choice**

**Still Free Me**

**A/N: **This is my first fic here, so be nice. I do not own the ecchi manga Yomeiru Choice, though I wish I did cause its awesome, nor do I own Naruto, which I am grateful for for numerous reasons.

If you do know what Yomeiru choice is about, that'll give you some clues in what this fic will be about. Also, this is, will, and forever shall be an open ended harem fic with Naruto as the main squeeze, possibly no yaoi unless I feel like it, and maybe no yuri. Some of the content in here is not suitable for minors, or ones who cannot think (logically) outside of the box when it comes to relations. In these caeses I am only using the manga as a stepping stone therefor it is not my fault if you do not like where things are going. Feel free to flame, though I can say right now you can get as bent as a flimsy spoon because I do not give a rats anus, backside, posterior, booty, butt, tail, rear bumper and/or what its mama gave it.

Finally, the pairs: if you do not like, _them_, again, please do not ask for me to get rid of them, because i won't unless they are just mere canon fodder, like some of them will , then again, they are still up for debate, so I might take suggestions. Now I can stop talking like a suit with a stick up its anus and get on with the story. Thank you.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, but I own this, and _this_, and _this, and THIS,_and it is copyrighted in my name! HA! The same goes for this fic.

HA!

* * *

Tayuya was your typical teenage girl; she liked music, she hung out with her friends, she attended Konoha academy with a perfect attendance record and near perfecct grades, and she was considered one of the most popular girls in the entire establishment. She was considered a tomboy among tomboy, and boys left and right swooned at her on a regular basis. They even jealous that she only seemed to hang around the local idiot.

Some wondered how she could appear so perfect, and struggled to find it out. The way she smiled in public just seemed too real, to natural for it to be well, _natural_. Well, Uzumaki Naruto knew the truth.

_Everyone_ wondered why she hung out with him. He was considered to be the loser of the school, hiding in the background and barely noticed, even amongst the teachers. Some believed she pitied him, others thought it was because the principle had assigned her to tutor him because he was not the smartest brick in the wall. Again, Naruto knew the truth, and it was friggin sweet.

She loved him!

"Na-ru-to! Is it true you turned down a girl in Iruka-sensei's class?" A monstrously strong had grabbed the fifteen year old's collar and yanked him back, spinning him around to be face to face with two sparkling green eyes and a soft skinned fist. Despite this, he grinned. "H-Hey Tayuya-chan, what's up?"

The girl looked angry, really, _really_ angry. And before he knew it, a fist collided with his jaw and he was sent hurtling to the ground like a ragdoll. If this was a sign of love... he was mayor of the village.

"Don't you hey Tayuya-chan me. And don't play dumb you moron! Ino told me you turned down a girl in our class today!" She stomped the ground for effect, and he winced when he saw it shake just a tiny bit. Or maybe that was just in his brain damaged head? "Wh- Why would I do something so mean and stupid like th-" She raised a sardonic eyebrow at him, daring him to continue with the lie.

He let out a sigh. not just any sigh, but a condescending, arrogant, self-centered sigh. At least in her eyes it was. And that was something she _hated_ him for it. "I'm not all that into relationships, Sakura. At least not yet. Besides, all i did was say no." she stepped down from the stair she had been standing on after she'd gotten of of Konoha metro and looked at him with a frown. part of her wanted to throttle him like no tomorrow and the other wanted to... well, she didn't know, but she was sure it would hurt!

"Who do you think you are Naruto? The Uchiha? This is so like you! You're always trying to be like him! Do you have any idea how hard it is for a girl to work up and confess like that?' She jabbed a finger straight in his chest and pushed him back with ease, making him wince. He didn't speak for a couple of seconds, and it was becoming painfully obvious she was waiting for an answer. "Well?"

"Uh, then... Should I go out with her?"

Tayuya hoisted her book bag on her shoulder and turned away from him with a scowl, already beginning to start up the steps once more. "A half-hearted boy-friend is worse than none at all!" As she started walking up the stairs, she could hear his footsteps running after her. "I don't get it..." The blond had started once he caught up with her, which was at the final flight right by the door. "How is it any of your business anyway, Tayuya?"

She felt the tiniest rise of heat in her cheeks in embarrassment, not anything else mind you, and she stared at him for a moment, but it was actually much longer than that. "I-I just want to make sure you don't do nothin' stupid! Cause that's what you are, stupid! You're so stupid, you're an idiot!" Naruto gave her a deadpan look and he grinned at her. "It looks like someone needs to brush up on Kurenai-sensei's english lessons, huh Tayuya-chan?" His cheeky disposition made her turn red. With a huff, she crossed her arms and walked out the door, leaving him behind.

"Well? Are you coming or not?" His grin gone, Naruto shook his head and began walking after her. When she was in her moments like these, which was basically all the time, he found it best to stay away from her from a reasonable distance.

Twenty feet at the least.

_I wonder whose fault it is I have such a crappy record dealing with girls..._

**Later...**

"You're building is a piece of shit." Tayuya whistled and stared up at thee establishment that looked like it was ready to topple any second with a sign of disgust. The entire area smelled of urine, and other things offensive to the five senses, and the several bums and winos amongst the corners readily available to sight weren't making it look any better.

"Hey, I understand. If you don't want to come over like you promised you would, then that's fine with me. The place is pretty messy..." He gave a halfhearted shrug and began walking towards the door that had big white letters on it that oddly spelled, "COLD CHILLI" on it. He waved to the aforementioned bums and winos kindly. "Hey Mark, Greg, Kim, Wayne, Dwayne, MJ, Bob, billy Bob, Marlon, Peter, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Nagato, Jiraiya, Ebisu, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padame, Ichigo, Rukkia, Haruhi, Luffy, Nami, Yoh, and hello Princess Yuki!"

Tayuya rolled her eyes as an assortment of homeless or just dishevled people waved back at him with smiles. She looked at him with a suspicious raised eyebrow and a smirk, "What, is there anything you don't want me to see?" As they walked through the halls, she watched Naruto duck an incoming lamp sent straight for his head, before it clattered against the hallway wall. The voice of the drunken land lord screamed, "Damn it boy! I want my money!"

Naruto laughed. "Yeah fuck you too you old bag of sh-"

"Naruto!" He looked at her with a hand raised in the air and his middle finger and thumb being the only ones up. "What is it?"

"The viewers man, the viewers. Your acting too out of character!"

"Oh, my bad. Anyway, I've got nothing to hide." As they reached the end of the hallway, which was the dirtiest part yet Tayuya noted with a frown, Naruto dug into his pocket looking for his key, which Tayuya knew he wouldn't find it. She sighed and rubbed her nose, "Just face it you dumbass, you lost it again. I'll take care of this. Move over." She unceremoniously pushed the boy out of the way and raised her leg and aimed it to thrust directly at the doorknob. "Wait!"

She paused, looking at the blond annoyingly. "Eh?" Naruto walked over to the door and banged on it loudly with a yell of, "Hey! Let me in! I forgot my keys in class again!" Tayuya could have sworn she heard a meek reply through the door but couldn't for the life of her recognize it, so she shrugged it off. "Hey, guess what?"

Naruto looked at her again. "What?"

"My Mom's got another date."

"So?"

She rolled her eyes and plucked his forehead. "'So'? Not 'so?' lame-brain. This date happens to be with her child-hood sweetheart, some freak named Zabuza or something." Naruto tapped his chin and muttered, "Zabuza... where have I heard that name before? Is it a fish or something?"

She shook her head. "Don't hurt that peanut sized thing up there," she rapped her knuckles on his head, "by thinking to hard. I can 't even remember where I know it, so you won't be able to either. But guess what else?" Naruto banged on the door again, this time more impatiently. "Come on! Hurry up! I' hungry! you better not be eating my ramen in there!" Again, there was that soft reply that Tayuya had on the tip of her tongue who it belonged to. He turned back to her. "What?"

"He's got a daughter. Some chick named Haku. Personally I think she looks like a dude. Well, compared to me anyways," she struck a seductive pose with her hair all in her face and Naruto grinned. "Don't get your hopes up buddy, the second she sees your ugly mug she'll go running straight back to her daddy, and he'll turn you in to chop sui."

"Chop sui?"

"Oh yeah," Tayuya grinned ferociously, "Mom also says he's good with blades." At the sight of her friend turning white, she couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry about it. I'll just tell him that your gay, then he won't be on your ass when he sees you." She punched him in the arm just as the door opened and a torrent of steam came flowing out with the incredibly delicious smell of lavender and grape.

"What the hell? I thought you said you had no one else here!" She coughed and yelled at Naruto, who she saw was already heading inside like it was normal. She heard him say hello to someone, but because of the smoke, she couldn't see who. Then, she heard a high pitched mouse squeak, something that made the tip of her tongue waggle in curiosity to know who it was.

"Come on in Tayuya! The ramens ready!" Tayuya stepped in past the smoke, which was beginning to dissipate now, and shook her head in disapproval. The place wasn't that bad, it was just extremely messy. But not as messy as she had remembered it...

"H-Hello Tayuya-chan." Her head whipped around and her jaw immediately dropped to the ground. In fron of her, standing right beside the open door with a small tinge of red outlining their body, and with a bust line that far exceeded her own, was a pale, misty purple eyed beauty in nothing but a towel, which left nothing to the imagination in the worst case, and the nipples and hips in the least.

"I thought you said you had nothing to hide!" She turned around to face Naruto, who was on the couch behind her with a steaming cup of ramen in his lap. He took a long slurp and turned around to face the two with a careless grin. "You've got me all wrong Tayuya-chan! That's Hinata-nee, we used to play together when we were little, remember?"

"H-Hinata...?" She slowly turned her head back to the girl whose blush increased ten fold as she looked to the ground and suddenly found her feet much more interesting than anything else. "_I-I just got out of the bath... Sorry for using it without asking Naru-chan... I-It won't happen again."

"Hinata, is that you? I haven't seen you in years!" Tayuya took a moment to look the girl up and down, a feeling of jealousy spreading throughout her. "And if you always have been like this... than I _really_ haven't seen you in years!" The girl gained a soft smile on her face and she muttered a tiimid thank you. "It is good to see you as well Tayuya-chan. I see you've grown up quite a bit too."

"Yeah but look at you! You're like that old drunken hag 'cept you don't have a drinking problem! ... Or do you?" Hinata shook her head wildly and held up her hands. "N-No! O-Of course not!"

"Yeah," Naruto's voice laughed from his place on the couch. "Hinata-nee sure has changed a lot. Her boobs, her butt, her hips, her boobs, her height... her butt..." Tayuya was ready to go over there and clobber the idiot for being a not only an idiot, but a perverted idiot when she saw Hinata's blush deepen and her smile widen. She raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask any questions.

"Alright Hinata-nee, you can put some clothes on now! Tayuya's going to turn green from jealousy if she's exposed to you body any longer!" With a soft giggle, Tayuya watched the girl disappear behind the bathroom door which was still ajar and had steam seeping from it before she shut it. She walked over to Naruto and held onto his ear tightly with gritted teeth, though he didn't look like it bothered him at all. "Okay I'll let that last part slide you idiot if you tell me what Hinata is doing here. I thought she was in Kumo or something for the next two years because of boarding school?"

Naruto slurped up the remaining broth in his bowl and gave off a contented sigh. "Nah, her parents talked to mine a while back and then called me to tell me that she would be coming back to the Academy again, for good this time. Personally, I think it's because Hiashi-jisan is a cheapskate."

"Oh," Tayuya backed down for a second before another question popped into her head. "What about your folks, when did they say they were coming back?" She could have sworn Naruto's face turned hard and cold for a fraction of a second, but then whatever that was had been replaced by a grin. "Meh."

"Meh? What's 'meh'?" He shrugged. "Meh. It's a meh. It's all the rage now."

"Well I've never heard of it before! You sound like an idiot saying it!"

"But I like saying meh! Meh! Yeah!"

"Idiot!"

"Meh!"

"Trash!"

"Stupid meh!"

"Worthless trash!"

"Worthless meh!"

"Whisker b- wait what?" Naruto shrugged again. "Meh."

"Uhm, Naru-chan, should I get Tayuya-chan something to eat or-" Hinata started, but stopped as soon as she saw Naruto shake his head. "Nah, come sit down. I need help with Iruka-sensei's homework today. He's been sweating me about turning it in, so I have to, or else I'll have to take another lecture from the old man." Ah, the old man. He was the Hokage of the village, and an almost grandfather to Naruto, if Tayuya had her facts straight. If it weren't for him, she supposed he would have been demoted to second grade again.

She looked up at Hinata who was getting ready to sit on the couch across from them and her eyes doubled in size. Any sane person's would have if they had seen what she was wearing: knee high socks, a dress shirt with a bow tie, and a dark green plaid skirt that looked a few sizes too small. It was essentially the uniform for school... for babies that is. "Uh, don't you think that's uh ... I don't know... a bit indecent?"

Hinata let out a soft controlled sigh and a cute pout adorned her features. "Mother made a mistake in the stats for my uniform, so I'm stuck with this until next week." Tayuya repressed the urge to laugh. A bunch of puberty hitting boys with playboy's dream model? She wouldn't make it past tomorrow, she thought with a hint of satisfaction.

"So, you're going to school here from now on?" Hinata nodded. "Yeah, but they didn't bother telling me until she knocked on the door..." Naruto groaned from the side. "Anyways, I'm glad we took care of that! I don't want any rumours starting at school! Now, who wants more ramen?"

"Huh?" Tayuya looked at Hinata who started to fidget and turn even redder than before, and her fingers were tapping each other like a telegraph on speed. "I-I w-wouldn't m-mind any r-rumours N-Naru-chan..." Naruto stopped walking from them with a bowl in hand and he looked at her. "Huh?"

She started to fidget even more. "W-We;, uhm... I'm going to be... S-Staying here for a really long time and u-under your care for so long so..." She gulped and looked at him with the most pitiful and cutest pout he had ever seen, "So um... I was thinking we should... should get married..."

_The fuck? Did she just fucking confess to him?_ Naruto stammered for words and he nearly dropped his bowl, "Wh-What? H-Hey now, wait a sec... We can't! Hinata-nee, you're like a sister or best friend to me. I can't- I haven't even thought of marriage before!" Tayuya's eyebrows shot up in shock. _He completely turned her down!_

Apparently, Hinata appeared to know more of Naruto that Tayuya did. "S-Still... You h-have thought of me like _that_ sometimes... r-right?" Tears hung at the edge of her eyes ready to fall at a moments notice. Naruto was caught off-guard and rubbed the back of his neck, his slightly tan skin turning a strawberry chocolate. "W-Well... w-when you put it t-that way... I su-suppose that that would be... kinda... sorta... almost... completely true..."

Tayuya felt a pang in her chest. "Hey now what happened to her being like your sister huh? What happened to that you idiot pervert?" _That_, is what she wanted to say. Which was odd because she always spoke her mind, but now, nothing was there except, "W... Well... I guess it's not my business what the two of you do."

Suddenly a shining yellow light tore through the room and what seemed like the sound of thunder exploded. _"No! It is your fucking business!"_ The voice had sent Naruto and Hinata toppling to the couch in shock, but Tayuya stood still. The voice sounded incredibly like hers somehow.

Suddenly, out of the yellow arcs of lightening a small girl, probably no older than thirteen or fourteen, crashed down form the ceiling and landed straight on Naruto's head... as first. "Bwaughggsht!" He crashed down to the ground and looked up to her and shook his head, his vision impaired from the light and the minor concussion he know had. "Crap... it's one of those crazy midget winos again... Dammit, I thought I told you guys to stay the heck out of my apartment?"

The girl let out a sweet giggle and knelt down beside him and wrapped her arms around him, surprising them all. Then, in the softest voice ever she uttered, "I'm not a fucking whino you dumbass..."

She looked up at him, her amber blue eyes mirroring his sea blue ones perfectly. Her smile and grin was unmistakeable, as were the faint lines across her cheeks that in comparison were faded against his. "I'm your daughter."

* * *

_Hey. My name is Naruto Uzumaki . I'm just a regular kid trying to make it by in my city, Konoha, at the resident Academy in my neighborhood. Good grades, sucking up the teachers, and avoiding certain bastards who I shall not name are sounding a whole lot easier right now, aren't they? Well it's not._

_That's pretty much all I have to say on that. I kinda forgot what else there was._

_I live pretty much alone. My parents are always out of town on business, and leave me in their apartment complex by myself. _

_Uhm, I'm not so good with girls. My friends tell me that, and my other friend Tayuya tells me that every single day. She says that by facing the truth, I'll be better for all the people on the earth by just becoming asexual (whatever that means) and not creating any children._

_Well... about _that_... you see... That isn't as easy as it sounds either. Cuz... They don't want that to happen._

* * *

Ah geez... my hands hurt so much. Forgve me for some mistakes but this was written _very_ early in the morning because I simply couldn't sleep. So read, review, whatever... I think I'm going to take a nap now.

Meh.


	2. Of Daughters and Foxes

**Yomeir- Er, Naruto's Choice**

**Still Free Me**

**Word Count: 5927  
**

**A/N: **This is my first fic here, so be nice. I do not own the ecchi manga Yomeiru Choice, though I wish I did cause its awesome, nor do I own Naruto, which I am grateful for for numerous reasons.

Feel free to flame, though I can say right now you can get as bent as a flimsy spoon because I do not give a rats anus, backside, posterior, booty, butt, tail, rear bumper and/or what its mama gave it.

Finally, the pairs: if you do not like _them_, again, please do not ask for me to get rid of them, because i won't unless they are just mere canon fodder, like some of them will be, then again, they are still up for debate, so I might take suggestions. Now I can stop talking like a suit with a stick up its anus and get on with the story. Thank you.

Sorry for not updating in a while. There was a blackout and power shortage in the same day so my comp got fried quite literally.I lost my manga and all the stuff I had written so I had to start over.

And then I forgot the password to my account. Meh.

I cannot believe I got so many alerts and favs for this story though! Thanks guys! I'm even in a community! And the pairings have not been decided, so put in your votes! I'll put a poll up or something I guess...

_**DISCLAIMER: **_I do not own, but I own this, and _this_, and _this, and THIS,_and it is copyrighted in my name! HA! The same goes for this fic. And this is the last time I'll be saying this.

HA!

* * *

There were many ways Tayuya could have reacted to that particular situation. She could have screamed, she could have cried, she could have beat Narut's head in until they reached the basement floor and thrown him all the way back up to his room…

But instead, she just managed a choked, "W-What did y-you just say?" At the little intruder who had unknowingly ruined her plans for the future.

Instead of getting angry or yelling, for the first time in her life Tayuya felt hopeless. Hopeless for the fact that the one thing she was positive Naruto would come to her for because no one else would accept him, because no _woman_ else would _want_ him, she would have him all to herself. Yes, it was depraved in a way, and a little screwed up. It made her laugh at the thought- A girl beats on a guy and says no one would ever want him in any way but secretly is hoping that that'll make him want her instead.

She had never really thought far into that plan. Until now that is, where it all fell apart like shattered glass.

The little girl –who Tayuya was trying not to strangle- climbed off from Naruto and grabbed his hand before grabbing _Tayuya's_ as well. "I'm the daughter of Uzumaki Naruto… and Terumi Tayuya!" She shouted with pride, smiling up at the both of them like a cat that just ate a bus load of canaries.

Uh, _that_, she didn't think of.

Tayuya looked closely at the girl in between her moment of anger and shock. From her strawberry blond hair to her inexplicably blue-amber eyes that were like a mix of her and Naruto's own. The weird slits on her cheeks that were faded, unlike they were on the blonde's, and the slight incline of her hair that formed an upside down V on the two front sides of her head like ears. The last thing she noticed was the longer than normal teeth of hers that hung out of her mouth like fangs.

Why did she look like a fox to her?

Tayuya blinked for a moment before the widest smile she had ever put on appeared and transformed into a toothy grin. It didn't falter as Naruto, Hinata, and the little girl backed away caustiously from a maniacle gleam in her eye, nor the triumphant look on her face as if she had just fought Chuck Norris and lived to tell the tale.

T-This meant that-! Well, I'm sure you all get the picture, right? Well, in case you didn't-

NARUTO WAS HERS!

"Meh," Naruto carelessly shrugged his hand out of the girl's grasp and brushed her away like she was a bug. "I don't see the resemblance that much? What about you Hinata-nee?" He looked to the wide, pale eyed girl for guidance and grinned when she shook her head rapidly in agreement. But if he knew what she was thinking exactly, he would have found the particular urge to grab his balls for dear life and consider a lifetime of wearing a cup.

Hinata's eyes cast down to his waist and she blushed with determination as her main priority. _'No! This can't be true! Naru-kun is _mine! _Not some boyish bimbo with a lopsided hair-do!'_

"Papa get away from her. She's a crazy pervert." The little girl idly pushed Naruto away from Hinata who had started to drool while her eyes were still down low.

"W-Well! I-I guess that- that you'll have to take responsibility for this, right Naruto? It can't be helped!" Tayuya all but screamed while playing with her fingers behind her back. "B-But d-d-don't get me w-wrong! It's not like I-I like you or anything! You ju-just need to tak-take care of me once in a while… I mean something! _Something_ once in a while!" She blushed furiously and shook her head, the nervous smile turning into a commanding scowl. "G-Got that? U-uzumaki trash!" Tayuya half pouted half glared at him, waiting for a response.

"Aw! Mama is so tsundere!" The little girl squealed happily, grabbing onto her leg and squeezing it tightly. "Papa loves tsundere! This is going to be easier than I thought!" She turned around to Naruto, who was sneaking away to his room as quiet as possible. "Papa! Get over here! There's no space up front, but you can get in the back and hug her by her ass!" Oddly enough, Tayuya didn't object. She shuffled and looked to the ground but was met with the girl's smiling face.

For a moment Naruto weighed his options. Hug the ass of a temperamental red head with an anger streak that would make his grandmother proud, _or_ run away before she could unleash her fury upon him for even stopping to think of such a ludicrous action and get sat on…. The choices, the choices.

"I'll… be running away now." He said before dashing into his room before anyone could stop him.

"Papa wait-!" The little girl shouted but was greeted with the slam of his door that knocked Tayuya and Hinata out of her daze.

"Dammit! Why thee hell does every fucking harem guy have to do that in a situation like this?" Putting aside the fact that not every useless harem guy gets a daughter in part two of his debut, the girl pulled out an orange and black remote from her scant clothing that was made up of what seemed like a rubber swimming suit and a plug suit-

Let your mind wander for just a bit-

And cursed, "Dammit the battery is almost out!" Before jabbing a button with her finger and disappearing in a flash of purple and blue electricity.

Seemingly alone, Tayuya and Hinata completely ignored the pair of fox like eyes watching them from the bathroom and turned to each other like they were mortal enemies. Tayuya cracked her knuckles, "It's good to have you back Hinata. It's been a long time. Things have changed you know."

"Yes, Tayuya-san, it _is_ good to be back after such a long time_. _I am aware that things have changed, but I'm glad to see in some places you are still the same as you were when we were," she paused and giggled. "Little." She nudged her head to Tayuya's chest area which was visible due to a large gap between her bra and then another between her bra and slightly sagging shirt. Then, she looked at her own and smirked almost invisibly. "Yes, things have changed quite a bit."

Tayuya's eyebrow twitched. "You know Naruto isn't the same helpless little boy you used to mother all the time. Thanks to me, he learned to be a _man_ and take care of himself."

Hinata giggled again, the stutter and shyness completely gone from her voice and replaced with one that made her shiver. "Then why does he need you anymore, _Tayuya-san?_" Tayuya grit her teeth and growled out, "What are you getting at you pale eyed secondary character?"

"I think you're well aware of what I'm speaking about you abusive love interest."

Before the two could get close enough so that sparks who be exchanged from each other, they heard a scream from Naruto's room. Something that went along the lines of, "I-It hurts! It's too _big!_"

Needless to say the door wouldn't be shut for a long time after that.

* * *

Meanwhile, during the two young women's verbal jabs at each other's usefulness in the story, Naruto's thoughts as he paced his room franticly were along the lines of, '_I _knew_ I shouldn't have went into baa-chan's desk and played with that misty ball of hers! Something tells me that when it said my daughter will be seeing me soon wasn't a fucking joke!'_ He took a moment to paused and sigh, then calmed himself and fell on his bed in a breathless heap. "Fucking plot holes."

"Meh." Something growled from the pillows underneath him, making him raise up slightly to see what it was. "Meh!" It called out again, and this time licked his nose when he got close enough. "Oh, it's just you Kyuubi-chan." His pet fox looked up at him curiously and tilted her head before growling out another "Meh" and licking his cheek.

She had been with him as long as he cold remember as a present from… his _parents_… "Meh?" Kyuubi whined, nipping at his hand as he clenched his fists. "Huh? Oh, nothing Kyuubi-chan. Just thinking is all." He chuckled, rubbing the back of his head as if he had just been hit.

The fox gave him a look. He didn't know if foxes could give looks but this sure looked like a look. It had all the signs of a look- the eyes that said he was stupid, the slight growling he got whenever he annoyed people, mostly Tayuya, and the silence that dared him to keep talking along those lines, whatever stupid setup they may be.

She _was_ giving him a look!

"Don't give me that look Kyuubi-chan!" He scolded as if she were a child.

"Meh." The fox yipped at him, snapping her maws directly at his nose.

"Hey! I got too much stuff on my plate today! I don't need this you know!"

"Meh!" Kyuubi yipped again, this time sitting on her haunches and licking her fangs. "I don't care if you want some ramen! I have an insane midget out there who say's she my _daughter_, so go make it yourself!" Kyuubi whined and licked his hand again. "Meh~" Naruto snatched it away and scooted away from her. "No. I can't make anything for a fox as insensitive as you Kyuubi-chan. I thought you cared about my problems."

He didn't notice Kyuubi's eyes flash red and roll in an annoyed manner before she jumped to his shoulder, and then on his head, wrapping her big fluffy red tail around his neck. She looked down at him and nipped at his forehead with, "Tch."

"Yeah you heard right. Another crazy midget got into the house again. But this time it wasn't my fault!"

"Meh."

"It wasn't my fault last time! He said he worked with Austin Powers!"

"Meh. Tch."

"Don't give me that. He had you going too. You were ready to lay belly up for him to scratch your stomach all night long." He smiled smugly but conceded as Kyuubi bit his ear with a growl as her eyes went red again. What did it take for him to know that that was a great insult to foxes as a whole? "Kurrr."

"I was just joking. I know I'm the only one who can do that with you Kyuubi-chan! And I also know I'm the only one who can do _this_," Naruto reached up and scratched the fox behind her ears, making her go limp and fall helplessly into his lap, her tail slowly unraveling from his neck. As he continued his onslaught she was reduced to a purring ball of fur, something that was _also _an insult among foxes and canines alike.

"Ah you can always cheer me up, can't you Kyuubi-chan?" The fox whined up and him and made a pitiful attempt to scratch him arm with her paw, but her arm was so limp it barely wiped it. Naruto scratched under her chin and grinned. "Yup, you'll always be there for me, right?" In response, the purring furball merely licked his hand and weakly nodded.

Suddenly a ball of blue and purple electricity exploded into the room with a series of crackles and snaps and pops, but not necessarily in that order, and out falled the little midge- er, girl who landed straight on Naruto's bed to see him torturing the poor little fox.

She deadpanned and scratched the side of her head. "Uh… geez Papa… I had no idea you were into bestiality when you were this young…"

"W-Wait! You got it all wrong! I-" Kyuubi instantly jumped up from her place in his lap and into the little girl's face, scratching it up uopon impact. "Yip, yip! Meh! Meh! Meh! Pika, Pika, pika!" Which was a rough translation of, _"You interrupted us! I was almost there! You little brat!"_ From human to fox.

She then scrambled up to her head and entangled her entire torso into the girl's hair and wrapped her tail around her eyes so she couldn't see. "*Sniff* Meh! Kurr, yip!" _"You smell like a fox and a strawberry! Intruder! Intruder!"_

"Wahh wahhh! It's hurting me~! It's too big! It hurts, it hurts! It's in my fucking hair!" She looked to Naruto and cried out, "Hey! Quit sitting there and fucking _help_ me! I'm _in external pain_ you know!"

Naruto shrugged. "Meh. Kyuubi-chan doesn't like new people. You kinda brought in on yourself." Kyuubi growled some nonsensical nonsense out again. "She says you smell like a cheap imitation of a baby fox and that you need to take a bath." He snorted with laughter, "That's mean Kyuubi-chan!"

Then at the moment he said this Hinata and Tayuya burst into the room, nearly knocking the door off its hinges. "WHAT THE FUCK Is GOING ON IN HERE?" Tayuya yelled, then looked at Naruto on the bed and was ready to jump to blond head bashing conclusions until she saw the girl squealing in pain from the corner of her eye.

She froze at the sight of the red fur ball of death on the girl's head and her heart skipped. The fox didn't like her. She didn't know why, but it never did. It would always growl at her and bite her whenever she got too close to Naruto or when she hit him it would _really_ bite her.

As if smelling fear in the air, Kyuubi looked up from the forest of strawberry blond hair directly at Tayuya and her maw seemed to turn into a twisted grin. "Meh." She growled. _"Nest disturber." _In the seconds following they would all see her jump from the girl's head, and, in pausing mid-air mind you, _kicked_ the girl on the forehead with her back-left leg before giving a battle cry like growl as she barred her teeth at the red-head.

Hinata watched all of this with a small smile, taking advantage of the situation by going over to Naruto and asking, "Are you okay Naru-chan?"

Before Kyuubi could get far however, Naruto had jumped up from his seat and grabbed her from the air and into his arms. "Okay _that_ time it wasn't uncalled for, but that's no reason to go ripping her face off like that!"

"Kurr."

"Don't act all innocent. Me, _and_ Hinata-nee saw you. Right Hinata?" The girl in question slowly nodded while taking notice of the fox's shuffling in Naruto's arms with a withering glance and the purring it was emitting. "Y-Yes." She stuttered, looking between the fox, and the other two females in the room. _'I'm out numbered!'_ She thought with a slight panic.

"N-Naruto!" The blond looked up from giggling dumbly down at his pet and up to Tayuya, who was an excellent shade of red matching her hair. She gulped slightly and put her hand her hip and glared at him as best she could, i.e, a blushing pout of a girl at the end of her wits.

"Huh? What's up Tayuya?" He asked, still absentmindedly scratching Kyuubi's chin.

"U-Uhm… Uh… Well, y-you… F-First of all stop tickling that damn stupid fox and listen to me you idiot!" Kyuubi turned at her and growled with red, slit eyes. Tayuya backed up just a little, but gained her resolve and glared back. "Tayuya, why are you trying to glare Kyuubi-chan's hair off?" Naruto asked, hugging the fox closer to his chest.

"Come on Papa! Just give up and fuc- er, _come_ quietly!" Naruto side stepped away from the little girl who tried to glomp him again, making her go face first into the bed stand that thankfully was cushioned by a pillow, and _only_ one pillow. "Isn't this an invasion of privacy or something?"

"Naruto! How could you?" Tayuya smacked him upside the head and grabbed the little girl in her arms all protective like… right before Kyuubi bit her ear. "Sonovabitch!"

Naruto, as if the smack didn't hurt, quirked an eyebrow. "How could I what? And what the hell are you all doing in my room?" Hinata inched closer to him and whispered something in his ear and had to refrain from giggling when he turned green. "That's disgusting! I would _never_ do something like that! Maybe Gai-sensei with his obsession with young people or Kakashi-sensei being a pervert but _ew!_" Then, he paused. "Jiraiya would _definitely_ do that though. He's a lolicon."

"Oh Naru-chan, you're so silly!"

"Hey quit kissing up like that!" Hinata lazily glanced toward Tayuya and barely waved her hand in her direction. "I'm _talking_ to _you_, Hinata!" Again,, she looked toward her, but this time smirked deviously at her. "Your point?"

Ignoring the two arguing girls like they weren't there for the moment Naruto set down Kyuubi on the bed and grinned at the little girl who was looking sadly at her legs. "You want some ramen?" Tayuya gasped. Naruto _never_ offered his ramen to anyone, not even _her_! It was one of the only times she was really scared of him when someone unknowingly or even worse, _purposely_, ate his ramen without asking. Why was this little brat so special?

Oh. Yeah, the daughter thing. She forgot for a second.

"B-But you said I was invading your privates…" She muttered shyly. Naruto laughed and grabbed her hand and lifted her off the table. "That's no reason to go acting like baa-chan were to find out I wasn't treating a guest right, she'd kill me! So come on, I'll make you some. I won't even charge you this time either." Tayuya blanched. There was always secret action behind his action's actions action's. And even _then_ she had no idea what he was talking about half of the time.

"Hinata-nee, there's still some ramen left from earlier right?" The pale eyed girl nodded. "Alright then, let's go!" As he tried to move out of the room, she pulled her hand away and a collective gasp from Hinata and Tayuya, and a whine from Kyuubi filled the room as the glove on her hand fell to the ground.

Well, it sure had _looked_ like a hand, but there was almost nothing there._ Almost_.

Naruto looked at her and the forlorn expression on her face and sighed. "You know you have more mood swings than Tayuya during her time of the month, and you're not even old enough for that I bet, What gives?" He looked at her hand and quirked an eyebrow. "You dip into that new invisible paint that just came out? The last time I did it got all over my hair and everything, it was so-"

"Just…. Shut up for a second, okay?" The girl gave him a weak smile and it widened when he shrugged. "Meh." She went back to the bed, stood on it, _discretely_ gave a nudge to Kyuubi with her foot and pushed her off the bed, and sighed. Looking at the occupants in the room her eyes gleamed. "Okay, now I thought this would be fucking easy but I guess I was wrong. Teenagers in this time really don't work the way they do in the movies… No music in the background, no awkward situations, hell you guys don't even qualify to be a manga!"

She continued now that she had all of their attention. "I'm from thee year 20**. I am the daughter of future Hokage of Konoha Namika-" She stopped, noticing a look in Naruto's eye that screamed every reason why she shouldn't keep going. Not missing a beat, she went on, "_Uzumaki_ Naruto and Terumi Tayuya. I like ramen, cats, dogs, and my family. I dislike _foxes_, demons, and people with mary-sueish god complexes and stupid plans that involve the moon with a gay name. My hobbies are annoying my mama and playing video games with Papa and eating his ramen when he isn't looking."

Then, she added a last comment in a low tone, but not low enough so that Naruto couldn't hear it. Instead, he was mildly shocked, and slightly glad someone shared his opinion on the matter. She had muttered, "I dislike all my ancestors too…"

Looking up, she smiled at them all, but it faltered ever so visibly. "I'm here because in the future, you two break up because- well, you don't need to know that just yet. And I'm here to make sure you make the right choices so I can be born!"

"I-I don't agree w-with you… I mean I don't believe you." Hinata murmured. Taru looked to her inquisitively, "Huh?"

"Yeah, now that I think about it, that doesn't make sense. If you came here because your parents split up, _and_ you have access to time travel, why not just go back to before they split up and _stop_ them, instead of coming here so you can be born? Now it's just going to happen anyway." Tayuya shrugged half-heartedly, not noticing a flash of purple and blue electricity in the room before it was too late.

* * *

_Two minutes earlier. Not Really.  
_

"I'm here because in the future, Papa leaves everything behind and-" Taru started again, having completely erased the timeline with nary a second thought. _'I wonder if they got hurt… Oh well._'

"No you little brat, we're still here _and _we remember everything you told us." Tayuya grinned up at her ferociously. "You popped out of thin air and came back. I think your battery is out." She pointed at the little remote which was flashing a bright red. "Oh…" Taru muttered, then threw the contraption down on the bed and tried to stomp on it. "You little piece of shit! I ask you to do _one_ thing before you die! _Just one!_ And you can't even do that! I spent all of my fucking birthday money on you, you pathetic plastic piece of shit!"

But unfortunately and eventually the inevitable laws of physics would come into play at Taru would lose her footing and come hurtling to the ground, thereby busting her head open and killing her, thus ending her crackpot mission.

And in a different world where people didn't standby and watch like spectators on pot, somebody would actually _help her._

_'It's been a good life. At least after another lifetime I can try again thanks to the grandfather clause. Though I'll probably make the same mistake again. Damn that fucking sucks. Oh I know! I'll put in on my twitter!'_ As she fell in slow motion she pulled out a cellphone and rapidly typed some words into it. A bird chirped and she laughed. _'There we go!'_

As time regained it's bearing from being all but raped by numerous girls who all shared the same mission in a plotline that so far is going _nowhere_, Naruto swiftly grabbed her out of the air and onto his shoulder. "Okay now I'm getting my ramen."

"Hey! What about my technology! How I got here and the secrets of what the future holds? Don't you want to know the lotto numbers and want children Bradgelina are going to adopt in their sixities? Aren't you going to give me the third degree and ask me for proof of my fucking heritage?"

Naruto, still with her on his shoulder, snorted. "Meh. All I need is the teams and horses that are going to win, and the new kinds of ramen they got there. To ask you all of that stuff would be to long and boring, I'll take your word for it. Besides, you cuss enough like Tayuya and you like ramen so its all good I guess."

Taru blinked. Then she grinned. "Really? Cool."

"Believe it."

As Naruto exited the room with the-technically- three females staring after him wide eyed, he scratched the side of his head. "You're like what, twelve? Eleven? And if we're fifteen… doesn't that mean that we won't be having you until I'm like twenty-three because we have to stay young by popular demand?"

"Oh yeah, I guess that's true Papa! You're so smart."

Naruto laughed. "Well I do cheat of the two smartest guys in school." He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a still steaming bowl of ramen from the counter and a fork. "Hey you know… even though you just got here, I think I could get use to this," he whispered. "We'll have you, eventually… Tayuya will stop being as two faced as another girl I know and warm up. So I know you you're a little scared, but don't worry, you can trust us."

Taru dropped from his shoulder and hugged him tightly. "I know." Then she used this moment to seize a gulp of the broth and noodles. "Hmm it has that _old_ taste!"

Then, another flash of electricity crackled in the room and lit it up in the color of red and white before a girl slightly taller that Taru fell from the ceiling clad in nothing but a wet black swinmsuit with damp hair. She had the same markings on her face as Taru, but her eyes were a pale lavender mixed with cerulean blue.

She looked to Naruto and Taru and pulled him away. "I'm sorry, but I cannot allow this." She stated in a monotone with a stoic face. "I have to protect my existence as well."

"Ramen?" Naruto held the bowl down to her and her eyes widened to show that they held no pupils or any discernable color other than their main scheme. IN a matter of seconds the bowl's contents was reduced to a few scarce noodles and a puddle of broth.

The girl burped. "My name is Hinaru, I am the daughter of Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata." She looked up at Naruto with a blank face and smiled a little before hugging his side. "I love you, daddy person. Now, let's go impregnate Mommy person so I can go back to my swim meet in the future." She grabbed Naruto's hand and pulled him back toward his room. He reluctantly put the bowl down with a tear. "Okay… *Sniff* Such a waste. I didn't even get any…"

"You will soon, now hurry daddy person. Time is semen unspent in mommy person!"

Taru deadpanned. "After all that talk about me trusting you, you're going to go through with doing what she says… aren't you papa?"

Naruto shrugged, then grinned at her. "Meh, something is going to happen that's going to stop her so she can explain herself." There was a growl as Kyuubi came barreling out the room like a jealous incarnate, directly at Hinaru. "See?"

Hinaru widened her arms and enveloped the red fox in a hug. "I missed you Kyuubi-person." Kyuubi, for a moment, stopped and sniffed the girl. "Kueh?" _"Hey! Don't touch me like that! I don't know you that well! You smell like a fox and lavender! Intruder!"_

"Meh." Hinaru scratched Kyuubi behind the ear. _"I'm Hinata-person's daughter."_

"Kurr, yip! Pika! Meh~" Kyuubi lazily yipped as she rolled around in Hinaru's arms. _"The shy one? Very well. Scratch my other ear will you?"_

With her attention split, Naruto grinned even wider at Taru. "Told you so."

Five minutes later, Kyuubi had been knocked out from purring too mch in one day, Tayuya and Hinata came out of Naruto's room glad nobody heard things breaking in there slightly bruised and having their clothes ripped. Now, Hinaru was sitting in Naruto's lap with that same blank face as if she were a doll.

And in Tayuya and Taru's eyes, a _really creepy doll_.

Hinata's thoughts on the matter, _'So cute!'_

Naruto's, _'I need some more ramen.'_

"Instead of dragging my explanation on long enough for daddy person to fall asleep, I'll do it like this." Hinaru grabbed Naruto's and Hinata's hand and interlaced them with each other, getting a cherry red blush from Hinata. "You choose my mother is the future I come from. In the mathematical sense, Naruto + Hinata = Victory." She raised her arms in the air like a champion. "Or, if you prefer it simpler: Naruto and Hinata equals Hinaru, or my nickname, Naruhina."

Taru waved her arms in the air franticly. "Wait a minute! This is my turf! Why don't you go to another universe or something? Isn't it fucked up to come to the past for your own selfish reason to be born?"  
"I never said that. I merely want to spend time with my parents and see how they interact." She hugged Naruto's leg. "Besides, look who's talking."

"Hahh~!" Hinata swooned toward the little girl, afraid that by touching her she would disappear. But on the inside she was like this:

_'Victory!'_

"Uhm, can I have my ramen now?"

* * *

_Hey it's me, Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto. Don't tell anyone though, I have my reasons for keeping my name a secret._

_Anyways, thanks to being bullied by my childhood friend Terumi Tayuya and babied by my other friend Hyuuga Hinata, I'm pretty bad with girls…_

_But one day, a crazy midget with turrets broke into my house calling herself Taru Terumi Uzumaki. She was from the future, _and_ my and Tayuya's daughter!_

_She's currently trying to drug me and forcing me and Tayuya together. "_Now take your-explicit- and –even more explicit- in the cat! Er, pussy!"_ Were her most recent words._

_Even if I do go along with it, it'll not only be a problem for me, but the plotlines in the future too! It had actually looked like she was able to go home for a bit, but then a girl with a mashup of my and Hinata-nee's name appeared saying she was our daughter too!_

_But me, no that doesn't bring me down a bit. Know why? Because… well I don't know why either. Its probably because most guys in my situation are perverted guys who get beat around like that guy from Love Hina or something but…_

_Instead of asking which one I'm supposed to choose, I'll ask you _one_ question._

_Can you get me the fuck out of here?_

_

* * *

_

Forgive me for the sloppy ness, but I wanted to post as quickly as possible. As it stands, manga have so many scene changes and expressions that can't be put into words, it's tiring really. I'm not the best with tact or subtlety so forgive me when I say that _this_ was hard!

I think I'll look for a beta.

And a last thing: This isn't a highschool fic. I really can't stand those sometimes. Too much drama. Anyway, there are ninja's in here and the characters will become them, but not too soon. I don't think. And yes, Tayuya being a Terumi has a connection with her mom (guess who) knowing Zabuza. And Haku.

Both who make appearances next chapter hint hint.

And yes Haku is a girl, and yes she's in the Harem.

Later, meh.


	3. The Lube

**Yomeir- Er, Naruto's Choice**

**Still Free Me**

**Word Count: 5912  
**

**A/N: **This is my first fic here, so be nice. I do not own the ecchi manga Yomeiru Choice, though I wish I did cause its awesome, nor do I own Naruto, which I am grateful for for numerous reasons.

Feel free to flame, though I can say right now you can get as bent as a flimsy spoon because I do not give a rats anus, backside, posterior, booty, butt, tail, rear bumper and/or what its mama gave it.

Finally, the pairs: if you do not like _them_, again, please do not ask for me to get rid of them, because i won't unless they are just mere canon fodder, like some of them will be, then again, they are still up for debate, so I might take suggestions. Now I can stop talking like a suit with a stick up its anus and get on with the story. Thank you.

Its been a long day! I just busted 3 hours worth of my time playing a video game and can you guess which one it was? _Spider-man 2!_ Yup, that's right, its an instant classic. They have this arena right? Well, I won't go into details but lets just say that at the final round you have to beat two tanks, a crapload of snipers, a bunch of bald guys that block your every hit , grenade launching buttmonkies, guys in plaid, lizards, robots, and a chick that can freeze you with a thought.

After a week of getting my booty handed to me and going to sleep with a bruised ego and headache, I am proud to say that-

_I kicked their asses! Oh yeah!_

* * *

"Meh. Tch. Numnum numnumnum. Meh. Tch. Pika. Numnumnumnum."

"Mmm… Mama, don't hog the ramen… Pass the grape sauce, will ya? I'm… Fucking hungry…"

"Father-person I'm hungry… Get mother-person's milk already…"

"Oh Naru-chan we can't do _that_ tonight! Well, maybe we can do it with… the _other_ one… I've prepared it for you…"

"What the fuck have you gotten me into you blond sonovabitch?"

Naruto winced and pried Tayuya's flexing hand of doom off of his ear with a little more than a frown. Not at the ear thing, that was far too normal for him. She had killed the nerves in numerous places in his body that reacted to pain _years_ ago. What he was frowning at was that last thing that was said… by Hinata-nee.

Turning toward Tayuya, he blinked curiously. "What hole was she talking about, Tayuya?"

From the way the girl blanched, turned red, stuttered, and blushed even darker he could almost mistake her for Hinata when she 'accidentally' came into his room after getting out of the shower.

Which had happened more than once, he noted with a sort of twisted smile.

In front of him and Tayuya were Hinaru and Taru, as well as Hinata, all sleeping contentedly on his couch. Bowls of ramen littered the floor and packages of cinnamon buns were all over Hinata's clothes and body, with crumbs lying on her face like lint to hair. The only thing Naruto had thought to this was, _'Pfft, amateurs.'_

Kyuubi lay on her special place atop his head, muttering things in a strange voice that sounded demonic and evil in Tayuya's eyes, which by the way minutes ago had backed away when the fox began swiping the air with her claws. But to Naruto, it was just a sign that either she had gas… or she wanted him to scratch her belly. It was strange how the correlation between flatulence and pleasure seemed to coincide with one another in her case.

Deadly in both cases, but strange nonetheless.

After getting 'acquainted' with one another, which in laments terms meant Hinaru and Taru hugging his legs so much he lost all circulation, rubbing Hinata's head, and annoying the all deadly hell out of Tayuya respectively, they began to eat him out of house and ramen… there were no survivors.

Any other time he would have been infuriated, even more so than the time Tayuya had given away his lunch when they were kids to her longtime crush, Kimimaro (though she would never admit such a thing, he knew it to be true). On a side note that day it had rained more than water… only with an added addition of emotistic white haired wannabe lookalikes from Devil May Cry with emotional problems that made a statue flush green with envy.

But with the knowledge that they'd learned their lesson, and that every few second they would mutter no more ramen instead of more please, it was enough to sate his desire to ground them.

They were his kids… he had the right to do that right?

On top of his head Kyuubi kicked her leg out lightly in Tayuya's direction. He could see from the corner of his eye that she was watching the fox warily, and every time the little vixen made a move Tayuya would be not a second short in flinching away like a dying animal.

Then, she directed her fear upon _him_ and turned it into _anger_. Or not. "Hey what's with you? You blanked out there for a bit man."

"Huh? Really? How long has it been?" He asked, looking at her in earnest, seemingly ignoring how her eyes flickered to his and instantly jumped away so fast she became cockeyed.

Tayuya took a look at her watch and widened her eyes for a moment before slapping her forehead and slumping down shamelessly. "Ten… fucking… minutes." Her hands started to shake and her eyebrows began to twitch… Naruto hissed in anticipation for what would happen and the phantom pain that began to erupt in Tayuya's favorite places; the ear, the arms, his cheek, and his chest.

Twitching was _not_ a good sign for her. Funny, yes. Good? _Hell the fuck naw!_

Before he could inquire her what was wrong, you know, despite finding out you have a daughter from the future with the guy that you beat up on since you were toddlers and told never to get a girlfriend or you'd kill him, _AND_ said to become asexual because no _other_ girl would ever want him, but he _still_ didn't catch the part of what _other girl_ implied and remained to be oblivious to your feelings even though they were obvious despite giving him brain damage as a child and berating him in front of her crush who she treated like a king compared to him…

So yeah.

Getting back on track and missing Kyuubi blink her eyes open, yawn, rolled her red orbs and go back to sleep, Tayuya stood up and began walking to the door with her hair hanging limply off her head. "Late… for… dinner… Mom isn't going to let me live this down."

This time he winced for her. Terumi Mei was a pleasant woman. The odd thing was… she knew his grandmother. And was still pleasant. It wasn't something that he deemed very important but it was awe worthy to find someone that could be around such a drunk of a woman and still have the disposition not to drink along.

Going along with the most recent picture in his mind; she had red hair, she was unbelievably _hot, _and despite being in her mid-thirties she could pass as a woman ten years younger. She quite literally embodied the personification of kawaiiko more than that pink haired midget on the show about nothing.

The downside? Well, apart from being almost molested the first time he had met the woman, being the object of her shameless flirting, _and_ having a pair of panties secretly stuck into his pockets and having his little self groped… nothing really. Oh wait, she could remember _anything_.

So when Tayuya had made the jab about elephants never forget… she never forgot.

Though he would never tell anyone beside Kyuubi that he had kept the panties and numerous other pairs the woman had given him. And Kyuubi would never tell him or anyone else except for her relatives with a sense of righteous pride that she had ripped them to shred in a fit of jealousy before rolling around on his bed until he scratched her belly again.

What did it take for him to realize that that was the ultimate feat of protection from old cougars who move in on another predator's prey? God!

Naruto, shaking his head away from the thoughts that had ever so easily clouded his mind, tapped his chin in an overly clichéd manner and hit his hand with his fist at the same time. Yes, _the same time_. "Wait, doesn't she have that date with the sword-fish guy that likes to eat fish? Wasn't his name Kisame or Jaws or something like that?"

Tayuya froze in shock and muttered something he translated from scared shitless into his own language, whatever the hell it may be. "Oh my god… Zabuza… His daughter is going to kill me…"

"Ah well… Good luck with that!" Naruto walked over to the door and opened it just as Tayuya dashed out of his apartment like the devil with a dumb name like Juubi was chasing after her and down the hallway. "Don't forget to tell your mom I said Hi!"

"Fuck you you blond piece of trash!"

Naruto shut the door with a sigh and looked at the three females in front of him. He wouldn't admit it but… The two of them, Hinaru and taru, had come extremely close to revealing his worst secret, something that he never wanted anyone to find out.

He began to thumb a photo in his pocket with a blond man with a startlingly similar appearance as him and a red haired woman whom he had the same tinge of color at the tips of his spiky locks and frowned at them. They held not one, but _two_ babies in their arms.

'_No one must ever find out my secret identity… Oh awesome there's the echo again! Secret! Identity! I am Spider-Man no more! Luke, I am your father! Darth Vader, you are not the father! Welcome to the Texas southern derby roadshow! This is Saturday night live!'_

In all of this he didn't her the rapid footsteps of Tayuya running back to his apartment, slamming the door open, grabbing him, and leaving again in a matter of seconds, expertly knocking off Kyuubi from his head with a flick of her hand and the fox eliciting a small sleepy whimper.

After the door had somehow magically shut, and Kyuubi twitching on the ground as she came to, Taru arose from the couch and pulled out another big graph from absolutely nowhere along with a phone. The ugliest white haired man with stink lines coming from numerous places from his body was on it, as well as warts on his face. A slug with blond haired was on it too. She grinned. "Initiating operation screw over surrogate great grandparents and get Papa to pop Mama's cherry!"

She dashed into the bathroom with the graph but not after lightly kicking Kyuubi.

When the door shut, Hinaru also rose from the couch and stared at the bathroom door. "Initiating operation screw over alternate universe sister and get father person to shag mother person." She dashed upward from the couch and toward the nearest window and pulled it up.

Before jumping out she turned around and walked back to Hinata. "I'll be back for dinner, mother person." Kissing her head, Hinaru, the daughter of Naruto and Hinata with a nickname of a very popular pairing, jumped out the window.

With the only two beings in the room being Kyuubi and Hinata, Hinata muttered, "I have the lube, Naru-chan, " held up a bottle of lotion and lube, and giggled.

* * *

Naruto had soon realized why exactly Mei Terumi knew his grandmother and was able to smile all the same around her. The second he and Tayuya got out of the building-or to be more precise, Tayuya dragging him out by his collar and subsequently choking him, he saw a beacon of light not far away… A monster was in the light. A large, grey haired, glowing eyed monster with lava coming out of its mouth like a broken fountain…

It was Tayuya's mother.

If there was anything that he could label as remotely scary or off putting about that woman… adding to the admirable list he'd made before getting dragged from his home, it would be her smile. Not just her regular, happy smile that was nearly always present of her beautiful features, but what it represented when it simply… _shouldn't be there._

And also, what he could hear cackling maniacally shortly after it deteriorated into a smirk.

He looked at Tayuya who was sweating profusely like she had pissed of the carrot top of death gods and prayed. _'Lord, it wasn't my fault.'_

Tayuya, he learned as they grew up, had gotten a greater majority of her personality from her mother. It didn't show, other than their strikingly similar hair styles and colors, and how to other men, he noticed, were so captivating and alluring, whatever the hell that meant.

He'd _seen_ Tayuya and Mei argue. He felt how hard the younger of the two redhead's hit and shivered at the thought of being the target of her mother's out of place smile/smirk/or god forbid-grin. There were just some things in life that he wasn't prepared for.

Thinking back on the events of the day, he cast fatherhood out like a dumbbell. Been there, done that, he surmised.

He absently waved at the few people lying outside his building like the last time he'd seen them, like bums. There was a weird feeling he got, knowing that he had celebrities living at the stoop of his building that made all… tingly. With that thought in mind, he was mildly surprised when Princess Yuki had flipped him off and huffed in the other direction like a petulant child.

Weren't they on good terms?

By now Tayuya had released her grip on his collar enough that he could run on his own, keeping up with his redheaded friend with ease as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. He wiped his face with a bemused expression as she cursed, spitting on the phone in the process, making the saliva splatter on the surface, rebound up in the air, freeze in midair, whirl around while doing the matrix, then hit him in the face.

"Its six forty eight already? Fuck!"

He had slowed down to a stop when she shoved her phone into her pockets in a mix between fear and anger, and even though he wasn't eager to be on the receiving end of it like so many times before, he couldn't help but point something out.

Tayuya kept on running, but when she noticed that her babies daddy err- I mean childhood friend had stopped, she backpedaled and cocked her fist back, ready to punch him for being so stupid and clueless and not noticing how she felt and being so calm about having a child come from the future saying that he was her father and such things that really made her want to blush but she didn't because she was a tough girl and tough girls don't show emotion or have crushes or loves even though she did but she would never admit that or else he would never let her live it down !

All being said in one heave of a breath, once she recovered from mentally running out of air she would yell at him for stopping his run.

"What the he-"

He pointed forward with a grin. "Bus."

As sure as her wrath was inescapable, there was indeed a bus waiting there with the door open and the driver looking at them curiously. Actually he was ignoring Naruto almost completely and trying to fight back a lecherous grin as he looked at her.

When Tayuya could have sworn she'd seen the man before he asked, "Are you two going to get on or not?"

Of course the fact that she had been willing to run right _past_ the bus and its driver wasn't lost upon her, or the fact that if she did, taking the bus obviously wasn't one of her first priorities. If she didn't know any better, and if she did the way he was staring at her was really starting to creep her out, then she would have thought that he was _waiting _there almost.

But in her eyes all of this was far out of Naruto's mindset. "Come on Tayuya, it's faster than running."

That wasn't true. Her house wasn't far from here but… "Fine! Let's go!" She dashed onto the bus and up the steps, the flash of her mother's smirk going through her mind at the moment.

Naruto shrugged and dug into his pockets for some money to pay the driver, but he waved him off. "Save the money for your date, Naruto-gaki." Immediately afterward he covered his mouth and Naruto frowned at him. "How do you know my name?"

"Uh-uhm, der, dah, deh, do, ah, ahm, uh…"

"Naruto get your ass back here! Hurry up or I'll say this was your entire fault!" Tayuya yelled, stopping from getting inside her seat and clenching her fist at him from the walkway.

Naruto slumped his shoulders and complied, but not before giving the driver a wavering glance. The driver in turn sighed in relief as the blond took his seat across from Tayuya and the redhead sat down. "Whew…" He muttered before starting the bus up.

As they pulled off from the street, he pulled his shirt close to him and muttered, "Phase 1 complete Agent berry."

There was a shuffle, a growl of pain, ad several plates breaking in response before a voice came back. _"Thanks old man! Continue to operation Pop the Strawberry Cherry. Over and out."_

Back with the two teens, Tayuya shifted in her seat and yanked her phone out again. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw several messages had been left for her along the lines of, _'Where are you? Dinner is getting cold and our company is getting impatient!'_

There was a last one that made her spine shiver. _'; D,'_ the grin of death. She was so screwed in the future.

Speaking of being screwed…

Her eyes momentarily glanced at Naruto and flickered away with her cheeks turning quite pink. It was then that his own eyes made the wonderful choice of looking in her direction too, but he laughed. "W-What?" She stammered, the words coming out before she could stoop herself.

"It's just funny. You always fight with her, since we were kids, and here you are shaking in your seat." He winced as her fist met his arm. He laughed again, but paused for a bit. Then, "Hey, who do you think Taru takes after?"

Tayuya gasped, blushed, and scooted away from him, the almost scowl on her face turning into a flustered mess. "What kind of question is that?"

Naruto shrugged and put his hands behind his arms. "A… curious one? I mean, she has your hair, your uh… height when you were little, and your-"Tayuya glared at him. "Personality when you were younger. She has your eyes, mouth… and face too. She's pretty."

He seemed to pause at the end, looking almost thoughtful as his head tilted to the side and his eyes sliced through her with ease. H-Her _face? _Tayuya mentally screamed. _What the fuck did that mean?_

There were many ways that she could have interpreted that one comment… But out of all else, one thought reigned supreme. A small smile came on her face and her hand unsteadily tried to cover it from view. He said that little strawberry blond brat had her face! And she was pretty! Did that mean he thought she was pretty? Did her plans for them still have a chance? Did she ruin other women for him once and for all?

Naruto blanched at the sight of the redhead wriggling her body left and right like a worm, her arms clasped together and a contented, no _ecstatic_ smile on her face. Little sparkles shined around her and- did he hear a harp?

He sighed. She was probably thinking about that Mimimaro or Bibiidoodoo or whatever his name was again.

The driver looked at all of this from the rear view mirror and grinned. "That's right kid, show her the family moves. You're gonna get laid tonight…" Unbeknownst to him, however, a little girl with almost gray indigo hair stepped in front of the bus and outstretched her arms. If anyone were to hear her clearly, they would have heard, "I cannot allow daddy person to do this, nor can I allow you, Jiraiya of the Sannin, to lead him down the Strawberry route."

The driver turned back just in time to see her and yelped. He quickly swerved the wheel to the right away from her, but she leaped up in a blur just in time to avoid being hit by the front bumper.

"And then we'll feed each other in bed and-and…*Squeal!*" Tayuya swooned, her composure switched from level six tsundere to level ten dere dere in a matter of seconds. It was at this time that the driver shouted, "AGH! Fucking crack head midgets!"

Suddenly the entire bus jerked toward the right and Tayuya was all but thrown out of her seat. Caught off guard, all Naruto could do was hear the tires squeal and try to straighten themselves as the driver cursed vehemently and Tayuya crashed into him, causing him to hit the window face first.

When all was well and the squealing stopped however, the driver sighed. "That little brat better give me the best damn porn books of the future so I can take them as my own…"

Tayuya squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Her hands flexed and she could feel herself gripping something with one, and something with the other. But for the life of her she couldn't tell the difference. What was it? It was warm and big, but really hard and tense, too. She choked on her own breath at the feeling of someone's breath on the nape of her neck. A shiver ran down her spine and she couldn't stop her body from scooting in closer to whatever she was hugging.

She didn't want to admit that what she had her arms wrapped around was Naruto, and that one of her hands were clasping his own like a chain and the other on his _arm_. Instead, she kept her eyes shut for as long as possible as time seemed to stand still and the only two people in her world were her, and Naruto.

Why didn't he pull away? He didn't shy away from her touch at all… Even after all the times she had hit him in the past, he still comforted her. Tayuya lightly smiled, her hand tightening around his own. It twitched ever so lightly and she blushed and began moving in closer.

Was he at all comfortable with this? She wished she knew the answer. Was he content with being so close? Any other time she knew she would never do such a thing but after today… after having her only plan almost crushed, maybe it was time for a different one? This felt so… nice; she wanted to do it again, and on _purpose_ as well.

For her, nothing mattered at that moment. Not school, not the life they would have to take after it, not money or clothes, her friends or grades, or even her daughter from the future. All that mattered was her form in his arms, and her hand in his. Nothing more, nothing less.

"H-Hey Naruto… U-Uhm… After today, you wanna… I don't know… Get something to eat or whatever?"

Forget the fact that Naruto had been all but knocked out when his face hit the window and that he was seeing flying versions of the women in his life floating around his head, tauntingly eating his ramen in front of him. "Ra-Ramen… Let's….. Give me… Ramen…"

Tayuya's heart skipped a beat and she widened her eyes. _'Ramen…'_ She thought with a small smile. _'He still wants ramen…'_

Also forget the fact that the bus had come to a stop not long after straightening up and the driver was trying to get their attention. "Uh... Kids? Uh…" Tayuya glowered at him with all she had for interrupting her dream-err, _situation_. The driver whimpered and pointed toward the window nearest window, about six seats upward. Tayuya didn't miss a beat at the sight and stammered in shock.

The face pressed against the glass with a twisted sweet smile, the delicate face that so many people said she had one of the elegant black and blue dresses she had never let her wear, the red hair…

"_Tayuya-chaaaaannnn~"_ Terumi Mei sang, her eyes staring pointedly at her daughter. _"Did you finally confess to Naruto-kun? Oh my god we're going to need to get a wedding plan ready and- Oh Zabu-chan! I'm so happy! You can let me down and stop looking up my dress you pervert~!"_

"Z-Zabu…" Tayuya, still in Naruto's arms and getting closer by the second, looked behind the red haired woman at the black haired, pale skinned man behind her with a giant of a sword that seemed extremely out of place strapped to his back. On his shoulders were her mother, and the only parts of him she could see was from the neck down, as his head was covered by her mother's dress.

"I-If he's here then that means t-that…" She prayed to god, kami, or any deity she could think of that what she was thinking wasn't true and slowly looked to the side of the man and cursed.

Standing stock still, dressed in a black and green kimono with hair tied in an intricate bun held together by a needle, was a person whose face was covered by a mask. And they seemed to be staring straight… at her…

They swiftly brought up their right fist and barred it in front of their chest, needles sticking between every finger, like claws. _"Now I see why you were so late!"_ Tayuya almost jumped out of the seat when Mei had pressed her face against the window in _their-_as in her _and_ Naruto's seat- after yelling at Zabuza, _"Move forward Zabu-kun!"_

She pried open the window with scary proficiency, not even showing a single sign of strain in doing it, and propped her head on her hand and smiled sweetly. "_Now_ I see why you were so late. SO! Tell me, did you kiss him or did he kiss you? Did you two go on a date already or were you… In his apartment together?"The red haired beauty of a woman giggled, quite perversely Tayuya added, and looked at Naruto who coincidentally started to wake up.

"Oh Naru-kun!" One of the best things to ever happen to a man, that the driver was ready to die for as he saw cleavage spill forth from the dress, was to have their face pulled into a soft, squishy mound of- "Tits?" Naruto asked, his voice muffled by Mei's breasts causing the vibrations to send a shiver down her back.

"M-Mom!"

"Oh don't be such a spoil sport Tayuya-chan I won't take him from you. So Naruto-kun how'd it happen? I know Tayuya-chan is too much of a coward to let you two end up like this, so how did you melt her tsundere-tsun tsun heart?"

Naruto weighed is options for the second time that day as his body slowly turned a nice shade of red. Tayuya's mother's boobs or being able to breath? Even harder that the last time!

He mentally shrugged and held up his finger. He'd die a happy man before Tayuya kicked his corpse's ass in death. Feeling the life leave him, he said, "I can't breathe." Tayuya instantly wrenched him from her mother's bosom as she saw him dig a little into her valley and smacked him upside the head while still glaring at the redheaded older woman who was smiling teasingly at her. "You old cow! You almost suffocated him dammit!"

_Again_, forget the fact that she had momentarily pushed Naruto into her chest, but after feeling his nose crunch against her nipple, blushed and _secretively_ slammed his head into her legs. "Oh don't worry Tayuya-chan; I think he likes your place even better." She pointed at the blond who started to laugh and idly grabbed Tayuya's leg and his laugh turned into giggles. "Squishy. Boneless ham squishy."

"Kyaa~!" Tayuya threw him back at the window toward Mei. But since the woman didn't work with Naruto's grandmother as a mere advisor, she ducked skillfully just as Naruto's head jutted outward and his body began to slink out the window, and then hit the ground with a dull thud.

"Tayuya, I think you broke him." Mei popped her head back up and admonished her daughter playfully. Tayuya growled and stood up from her seat, her hands formed into fists. "Damn old woman ruining my moment and causing shit to happen… fucking manga situations… dammit!"

She roughly pushed the driver out the way as he began to drool at the sight of Mei and punched open the door. Mei rapped her fingers on the window sill and stared after her daughter with a smile before looking out at the mask wearing person. "Haku-chan, take care of Naru-kun would you? And take that mask off, it's… creepy."

The person nodded and dutifully took off the mask revealing a hazel eyed, brown haired girl. Or boy. Either one really, but it didn't matter. It/S/he was so androgynous nobody knew the real answer. But in truth, Haku was of the third gender: The Hideyoshi.

To make writing easier the Hideyoshi will hereby be referred to as a she. So, _she_ knelt down in front of Naruto and pulled him upright and began to wipe off his clothes. She stopped however at his face. He blinked at her and she couldn't help but notice the sparkles and shining light in his blue eyes. Her hand grazed his cheek and she tilted her head curiously at him.

"Get the fuck off of him you!" Tayuya stomped over to the two and prepared to punch the girl in the back, only to go limp as four needles stabbed her shoulders when Haku turned her way. Turning back, she smiled at Naruto. "Tell me Naruto-sama. Do you have any precious people?"

And that was when the Haku route became available.

"Well let's go home." Mei announced, jumping off of Zabuza's shoulders, letting the world see the glare he was sending Naruto now that he could no longer look at panties. The thought going through his head was something along the lines of, _'I no can haz pantees or hanky panky, you stay away from my daughter or I smash you.'_

Haku pulled Naruto up and continued to wipe his clothes off. "True strength comes from having people to protect, Naruto-sama. Have you anyone to protect?"

Even though he was still reeling from numerous assaults to his brain, Naruto was still able to make out the blurry form of a boy smiling at him flirtatiously and gulped. _'Crap.'_ "Uh, yeah sure whatever."

"Maybe I can be one as well?" And that was how Naruto thought Haku was gay.

"Come on everyone; let's go home to plan my daughter's secret dream to marry her childhood friend!" Mei laughed cheerfully, grabbing Naruto's hand and pulling him along, coercing Haku to latch onto his arm as she began to walk away.

As he stared off at them, which was when Zabuza realized he needed to get laid and walked after them.

Staring after them, that was when Tayuya realized they had forgotten her. "Hey wait for me! The chapter is almost over!"

Realizing that his job was done Jiraiya no last name known or cared about of the Sannin took off his driver's hat and grumbled. That was when he realized that Naruto was the luckiest bastard alive.

Back at the apartment, Hinata rose from the couch with her eyes sheet white and veins bulging around them. "I sense competition in the force."

* * *

Rushed, Seriously. I got lazy and rushed. Especially during the end. I'm sorry, I really am. But I'm mentally tired and I can't say I'm looking forward to redoing it. And I know that I do timeskips frequently, but with manga, its like a prerequisite-can't change a manga into another one without it!

Poll's up, but I can't figure out how to have more than one up at a time. Is it possible?

Anyway, enjoy.

Meh.


End file.
